tell me i am the only one (even if it's not true)
by bleuboxes
Summary: How Amy Santiago's life turned into the actual definition of a shit show: a series of well written lists. [roommates au]


**A list of reasons why Amy Santiago thinks that being Jake Peralta's roommate is a semi-decent idea:**

1.

She's known him for the better half on ten years, and despite their numerous, very obvious differences in just about everything, they get along. Actually, they more than get along – he's her best friend.

2.

As mentioned above, Jake is her best friend. She knows his habits, she knows his tendencies, his favorite food, his love of Die Hard, his peeves, and just about everything else – and vice versa.

3.

She can use this opportunity to try and get him to eat actual food.

4.

There is no way that she's ever fall in love with him, and if her research is correct, that's the one thing that's universally accepted as the Worst Possible Situation. So, by living with Jake, she eliminates the Worst Possible Situation altogether – it's a win-win.

* * *

 **How Amy Santiago's life turned into the actual definition of a shit show: a hastily written follow up list.**

1.

They move in together in September.

At first, it's a little strange, but then it's not. Jake has been a constant force of joy in her life since she was twelve years old – even through that weird period of time in junior year of high school when she was dating Boring Teddy – and she knows that being friends with Jake is the easiest thing in the world.

They have a system (also known as Amy Writes a List of Rules) – she helps him study, and he helps her act like an actual human,

One of Jake's many talents is his ability to make friends with literally everyone – everywhere he goes, he knows someone.

Unfortunately for Amy, this is how the ball of shit that is her life at the moment starts to roll.

Jake gets an invite to Sophia from Accounting's party -and he's excited. He hasn't stopped talking Sophia from Accounting for a week, and Amy's never been happier for her friend – from what he's told her so far, Amy gathers that this Sophia from accounting must be quite a girl. She can't remember Jake being this excited about someone since that super-hot guy back in freshmen year.

As they make their way to Sophia from Accounting's, Jake's bouncing off the walls. Amy laughs at something he says. Parties really aren't her scene, but he's convinced her that laminating things is not a valid Friday night pastime. And well, even if she wanted to, she doesn't think she'd be able to say no to Jake. He's got the argumentative skills of a three-year-old, but his eyes express what his words cannot, and Amy falls helpless to them every time.

The party is loud and over-crowded; honestly, she would have gone home by now if she hadn't been assigned to be Jake's moral support (also there's free alcohol). On her way to grab another beer, she runs into Rosa Diaz, her roommate from freshmen year, and her girlfriend Gina. They're doing well; Rosa is as badass as ever, and Amy doesn't think that Gina likes her very much, but what else is new.

She's fairly used to this by now.

And that's when Jake comes barreling over towards the three of them, his face one bright delightful smile, and Amy feels her heart leap. She's putting the blame on the alcohol. In the grand scheme things, she realizes that this is a minute detail and doesn't even matter to the relevance of Jake nearing her because it's apparent that he's asked out Sophia from Accounting and she said that she'd love to.

Amy takes a long swig of her beer (and if Rosa raises an eyebrow in question, it goes right over Amy's head).

"Tell me all about it!" She says over the music, smile on her face.

It's the first time that her smiles been less than honest in a long time. Jake's too high on his success to notice.

And that's fine, absolutely fine.

2.

It's January. Amy's trying to do her laundry in peace while Jake and Sophia from Accounting make out on her couch. Which is fine. It's just that they're very, very kissy, and always together, so traditional Jake and Amy Being Best Bud's times are cut in tiny, pieces and burned in a fire.

Also known as they don't happen.

Which is, again, absolutely fine.

She's just happy that Jake's happy, because he's her best friend, even if he has been seriously abandoning her lately for the adoration and normalness of Sophia from Accounting.

She's super nice, beautiful, doesn't like laminating things or making binders or scrolling through Snape hate blogs when she needs something to calm her down. Sophia from Accounting is the ideal girlfriend.

Amy should like her – she's trying to figure out why she doesn't like her when she hears a harmony of laughter coming from the couch.

It used to be her and Jake that laughed like that.

And that's when it hits her – she misses her best friend and his perfect smiles and his puppy-dog eyes and his stupid made up words (that are actually clever in their own sort of ridiculous ways) and his comfy shoulders and their movie nights.

So, she doesn't hate Sophia from Accounting, she hates that Sophia from Accounting is stealing her best friend away from her.

3.

Sophia from Accounting gets a pretty nasty cold in March and is unable to leave her bed for a week.

This is the best week of Amy's year so far, because she finially gets to talk to Jake throughout the course of the day rather than just making small talk while Sophia from Accounting is over.

She's getting ready for their Shakespeare Marathon (it is the Ides of March after all), when there's a knock on the door.

"I got it, Ames." Jake yells as he walks to the door.

She might scream if Sophia from Accounting is on the other side.

Instead, It's Charles Boyle, one of Jake's good friends from God Knows Where. Boyle is a sweetheart, even if he is a little off his rocker, but Amy always seems to find his devotion to his friendship with Jake endearing.

She doesn't mind that Boyle joins them for their movie marathon; he brought them some sort of food that Amy isn't sure if she wants to know what it is is (it's home cooked and delicious and that's what matters). She does mind that he sits between the two of them on the couch, popcorn bowl sedentary in his lap, and chews loudly while crying through all the films.

Boyle eventually falls asleep and Jake keeps making funny faces at her while they watch Brutus and his gang of rebellious Romans stab the shit out of Caesar.

This, she thinks, as she tries to laugh as quietly as possible so that Boyle does not wake up, is something she could grow used too.

4.

Amy comes to the realization that she might maybe have a teeny tiny crush on her roommate on a Saturday morning in April.

She's eating a soggy bowl of Cheerio's while studying art history, when he waltzes into the kitchen with nothing but a low hanging bath towel wrapped loosely around his waist.

This isn't the first time that she's seen him practically naked. They live together; this isn't strange, which is why she finds it puzzling that she's unable to swallow her cereal as he rakes a hand through his hair after opening a cabinet and grabbing a bowl. He fills it with Fruity Pebbles and just starts eating the stuff dry while leaning against the cluttered counter.

Then she has the audacity to choke on her cereal, and he rushes over to perform the Heimlich while basically naked and it's just very, very overwhelming because, well, basically the most important rule is not to fall for your roommate, and Amy's gone and done just that.

And to add the cherry to the top, he's still seeing Sophia from Accounting. All Jake talks about anymore is how behind on school work he is and how in love he is with Sophia from Accounting.

Which is fine.

Jake's still her friend, even if she might think that he's hot when he's eating breakfast cereal in a towel, or saving her life in a towel, or when he drools on her shoulder when their watching some stupid reality tv show together.

And if he loves Sophia from Accounting, then so be it.

5.

Sophia from Accounting breaks up with him in May.

Amy's flung herself off the metaphorical cliff trying to study for her finals, keeping her affection for Jake at a measurable distance, and making sure Jake is studying and talking care of himself.

She calls up Charles, and they take up opposite shifts of attempting to cheer Jake up. So far, nothing's working.

Until, on one sad, dark morning (around 2:24 am), when she hears the distinct sound of her crying friend. She rushes out of her bed wearing one of Jake's excessively large sweatshirts as a nightgown to his room. It's quite possibly the saddest scene she's ever witnessed; he's just sitting up, clutching a wrinkled yellow shirt and sobbing.

She scoots up on his bed and sits parallel to him.

"Hey, Jake," she prods gently, "What's wrong?" She knows it's about Sophia from Accounting (who she now hates because she broke his heart), but Amy lets him spill out his guts anyway.

It's mostly just gibberish about how he really did like her or how he thought she was _the one_ (which makes Amy's heart sit funny in her chest), but some of the things he says really grab her attention.

"You know why she ended it?" he asks; Amy shakes her head, "She said that I talked about you too much – like god – is it illegal to talk about how amazing my best friend is? And then she tried to convince me that I was in love with you – Amy – could you imagine?" he laughs like it's the funniest thought in the world.

She's strangely silent, and looks down at her hands, which are neatly folded in her lap, "Yeah, that would be _so_ weird." She says, but it's lacking something – and he notices.

He drops it, and they sit in silence for a few minutes.

"Would you stay with me tonight?" he asks her, she wants to say no – all the self-respect and dignity and everything else in her body is telling her that saying yes is a terribly foolish idea, but she pulls a move that she normally would never even dream of doing, and throws all that crap out the window.

Her best friend is sad, and she has the opportunity to comfort him by platonically sharing his bed.

They've done it hundreds of times before. This time, however, is different.

This time she knows why she's blushing when he wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her closer. This time is the first that he's noticed a change in their dynamic – even if Amy doesn't realize it.

* * *

 **Weird things Jake has done:**

1.

Despite Sophia being the Love of his "Lyfe", he gets over her pretty quickly – not to say that he wasn't upset about it (which he clearly was). He doesn't listen to certain songs anymore, but he still blasts Taylor Swift on Sunday mornings when all she wants to do is sleep.

They burn the clothes Sophia from Accounting didn't claim on the roof of their building and make super gross (probably chemically contaminated) s'mores.

That's the first time that she notices that Jake smiles at her differently than he used to.

2.

She notices in July that he looks at her more than usual. It's strange, and she hates that she can't fight off the blush that creeps on her face when she catches him.

And it's not just that.

He looks at her like she's the most important woman in the world – and he tells her that he's so happy that he's part of her life whenever he gets the chance.

It's strange, and while parts of her are worried he's going to do something stupid and fuck up the rest of his life, others wonder if he feels the same way she does.

Because she's pretty damn sure that she's head over heels in love with him.

3.

He hugs her, a lot.

It isn't just the hugs – there's forehead kisses and shoulder kisses and hand-holding during movie nights. There's arms around shoulders and playing with her hair when she's tired, and so many other things that are not platonic by nature.

And though she desperately wants them to mean something more, she doesn't let herself hope – because everyone knows that falling for your roommate is bad enough – it's even worse (desperate even) if you hope that your roommate falls for you.

4.

He texts Boyle a lot – and doesn't tell her about it. Boyle is pretty much the worst texter in the history of texting, and she and Jake always discuss radical theories of why Boyle sent forty-seven messages in a row about the edibility of otter-milk.

And she's asked him if everything's alright, because one does not simply text Boyle and not emote. His usually expressive face is blank when he's on the phone – a slick look of concentration and worry crease across his brow as he reads and types out long responses to Boyle's prose.

* * *

 **The time that everything changes:**

1.

It's the hottest August Amy can remember. She's been forced by mother nature herself to be confined to wearing a sports bra and a pair of compression shorts around her un-airconditioned apartment. She's on her sixth glass of water when she hears the wiggling of keys in the door and a shout of _hello_ from Jake, who recently got a job working an early shift at some corner café.

Jake comes in the kitchen, drenched in sweat, and grabs a blue Gatorade out of the fridge, purposefully not looking at her. When he leans against the counter and talks about his morning, she can't help but notice his lingering gaze on her lips, her legs, her chest – basically everywhere. His cheeks are flushed pink from the heat, but also (she assumes) from a blush (she knows that her cheeks are beyond rosy because Jake just happens to have that effect on her).

"Any interesting characters pop in this morning, then? Nothing like that ginger and the messy hair guy?"

"Nary a romancing couple was to be seen."

"That's a shame." She bites her lip. He twitches.

The next thing she knows, she's kissing him. She's a little nervous that he's going to be super weirded out because _you're not supposed to kiss your roommate_ but it's clear that he's got no qualms about this by the fervent way that he's kissing her back. He's pressed against the counter, one hand supporting him, the other tangled in her hair while she's got both her arms locked around his neck, pulling his face closer to hers.

The kiss is not as elegant as she's imagined, but it's with Jake, so she'll take the synchronized mashing of lips and the nibbles and the messiness over anything.

He's the one that breaks it with the brightest smile she's ever seen.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself." She says bashfully.

He kisses her again.

"Jake," she begins, "I –"

"I know." He chuckles, "me too."

He kisses her once more like she's the only thing in the universe that matters – she tosses her rules out the window, and decides to hell with them.

Because Jake Peralta might be in love with her, and well, that sounds a hell of a lot better than _and they were roommates._

* * *

 **long time no see.**

 **i have a bunch of new stuff on ao3 (which is pretty much my main place of writing, so head over there maybe?) my pseud is bleuboxes so hmu lads.**

 **i just started watching b99 and im a real life charles boyle when it comes to jake and amy.**

 **the title is from a fall out boy song btw.**

 **anyway, reviews/favorites are the Bee's Knees!**


End file.
